


Trust

by krisrussel



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-18
Updated: 2013-02-18
Packaged: 2017-11-29 17:31:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/689589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krisrussel/pseuds/krisrussel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Starts right where Conversion ends. John knows he needs to talk to Elizabeth about what happened between them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trust

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Sparky Santa 2010, for cassievalentine. You asked for post-Conversion angst and I really tried, but it's me, so there's some fluffy romance too. May the Spark(y) of Christmas be with you! Also a huge thanks to my awesomesauce beta SK!!!!

As John walks out of the gym, he lets out a breath. Apologizing to Teyla was nothing. Not when he still needs to talk to the woman he almost choked to death against a wall in his quarters.   
Sighing, he walks towards the control room. They have been strategically avoiding each other for a while now. He knows she doesn't blame him, not really. And he shouldn't blame himself, but he can still feel his hand tightening around her frail throat and guilt encompasses him once more.   
He knows he has to resolve this. He misses their playful banter, their wordless exchange, their understanding of each other, their talks on the balcony, their early morning coffee, their late night chats. He misses her and only now realizes how much. But he doesn't want to resolve this because he misses her or because he feels guilty. He doesn't want to do it for himself. He doesn't even want to do it for her. He wants to do this for the people that serve under them. They deserve leaders who can talk things through, no matter what happened between them.  
Before he realizes it, he's arrived in the gateroom and takes the steps, two at a time, up to the control room. Nodding to Chuck, he walks towards her office and raps against the glass.  
Elizabeth looks up from her computer and gives him a strange look. Probably because it's the first time in the almost two years that they worked together, that he knocks before entering her office.  
"Yes, Colonel?"   
"Can I talk to you?"  
A surprised look passes over her face. He has never asked for permission to talk to her before. But she nods and waves her hand to the chair opposite her desk.  
Glancing back, he can see Chuck and several others quickly looking away. He knows they're keeping an eye on their leaders, wondering what's happening or will happen between them.  
John licks his lips and hesitates for a moment. "Would you mind going to my office?" And bobs his head to the crew in the control room.  
"Of course not." Elizabeth says, understanding his hesitance to do this with an audience watching their every move.

They take the other door in her office, walk down two flights of stairs, cross one corridor and then he opens his office door, letting her enter first.  
When the door closes behind him, the silence that stretches between them is suddenly palpable and John is almost afraid to breathe because that would sound loud at this moment.  
Elizabeth looks around his office, wringing her hands. She doesn't come here often and she knows that he doesn't come here often either. He likes to work in his quarters, in the mess hall or on the couch in her office.  
"Please, sit down," he suddenly says out of nowhere and points towards the couch in one corner. She's slightly startled by the sudden sound of his voice, but doesn't show it and sits down on one side of the couch, leaving enough room for him to sit next to her. Instead of taking her up on her silent invitation, he stays standing and starts pacing, raking a hand through his hair.  
It takes him awhile before he starts talking.  
"Elizabeth..."  
Then there's silence again and she can read the frustration on his face.  
"John, I don't blame you." She quickly says and for a moment he just stares at her.  
"I... I know." He eventually whispers.  
"And you should stop blaming yourself." She continues.  
He stares again, then paces some more.  
"I'm trying."  
"John, sit down, please."  
He stops pacing and licks his lips before moving closer to her. Instead of sitting next to her, like she expected, he sits down on the coffee table in front of her. Their knees are almost touching and for some reason it's much more intimate than if he had sat down next to her. She tries to regulate her breathing and keep herself from blushing.  
His elbows are resting on his knees and he could easily reach out to grasp her hands, but he doesn't. He would love to, but he doesn't know how she would react to that and he doesn't want to scare her away.  
"I want to euhm.... thank you."  
The looks she gives him is puzzled and it's so adorable that his heart flutters.  
"Thank me?"  
He nods. "For standing by me through it all."  
She's the one to hesitantly reach out and grasp his hands in hers and for a moment he just stares at the way her smaller hands fold around his larger ones and it amazes him how right it feels to be touching her like this.  
When he looks back up, his heart starts racing by the way she's looking at him. And he knows. He suddenly knows beyond a doubt that she shares his feelings.  
"I would never make you go through something like that alone." She says quietly.  
"You risked your life." He says, just as quietly.  
"No." She shakes her head. "I knew you'd never be able to hurt me."  
"I was ready to choke you." He confesses in a whisper.  
"But you didn't." Grasping his hands a bit tighter, she gives him a soft smile. "You didn't and now I trust you more than I ever trusted anyone before."  
He wants to point out once more that he really was ready to kill her in that instant. But the softness and understanding in her eyes shuts him up and he knows she's not just saying this to make him feel better. She really does trust him beyond anything and that realization amazes him. He knows his team trusts him and he knows his men trust him, but what her eyes are telling him is so much more than simple trust. It's trust beyond anything. She trusts him to always be there for her. She trusts him to lead this expedition together with her. She trusts him to bring her back when something would happen to her offworld. She trusts him... with her heart.

Their eyes stay locked for quite a while and it suddenly dawns on him how close their faces are lingering and he almost desperately wants to close the distance between them.  
One of her hands lets go of his and comes up to gently touch the side of his face. His hands automatically move so her small hand is now in between his and he leans into her touch.  
She draws him closer until their foreheads touch and he closes his eyes, reveling in her closeness, breathing in her scent.  
"This is a bad idea." She whispers and he slightly grins.  
"Yeah."   
He shivers when he feels her breath against his lips. He doesn't want to open his eyes, doesn't want this intimate moment to pass.  
"Very bad idea." She continues and he simply hums his agreement before slowly opening his eyes. Her eyes are closed too, but she looks truly relaxed and at ease.  
Unable to stop himself, he gently brushes his lips with hers. She responds immediately and deepens the kiss without hesitation.  
It amazes him how good and not awkward this feels as he lets go of her hand and wraps his arms around her, pulling her closer to him. She moans and his brain shuts down.   
For now there's only her and him and they trust each other explicitly and that's all they need.

The End


End file.
